Here’s Blake Lively shooting some new scenes for Savages, a movie in which her character seems to constantly wear bikinis, so I’d just like to state for the record that, yes, I wrote it. I’d get into why IMDB lists Shane Salerno and Don Winslow as the writers, but trust me when I say it’s a long boring, tale about them actually writing it, and me failing to sell my 300-page opus, DickJoke Johnson and The Temple Shaped Like a Dick, even after I ate 10 bagels in front of a roomful of Warner Bros. execs and went, “Now that we’ve established my Jewiditry, I want $5 million upfront plus a piece of the backend.” Put you right to sleep.
